electronicated

i haven't been posting here for a long time

2007-05-08T00:17:00.000+08:00

because i've made a semi-official move to multiply.

i need to think about a lot of things, again. of course i know i won't be able to do everything solely on my own. nuks.

when doors close, windows open

2007-04-13T12:19:00.000+08:00

step one should go before step two
not the other way around.

i am learning the art of patience
and i'm enjoying it

immensely.

:)

maybe, maybe it's just me, but

2007-04-06T07:58:00.000+08:00

maybe i'm beginning to think too much about things again.
maybe i'm thinking about my old unhappy dissatisfied self.
maybe i'm just tired, i mean i haven't had sleep yet.
maybe i just need to knock on that door harder.

i don't want to go back to what i used to be like--because i want to move on already.

please give me strength. :)

testing

2007-03-22T15:11:00.001+08:00

busy and fun couple days

2007-03-17T00:52:00.000+08:00

...to be made kwento on later. i'm on my lunch break :)

from pencil to keyboard, paper to monitor

2007-03-11T06:15:00.000+08:00

originally scribbled 3/10, 5-ish in the afternoon

suddenly, i find myself wanting to tidy up and fix things. in fact, i have--as soon as i woke up this afternoon i folded my clean clothes, washed the dishes, did a bit more laundry, and before i wrote this sentence tidied up some bits and pieces in my room. keep in mind that i am rarely ever like this--much much less on a workday. (i even took out the trash! oh golly goshness)

maybe it's a subconscious way of wanting to tidy up my life. i can't stand white space--i like mess and clutter. i've always been a firm believer of order existing in chaos.

then again, things are more simple if they're following a specific order. having things at the right place. notebooks and pens go to this shelf, not the underwear drawer. socks shouldn't be where the jeans are folded. that sort of thing.

i'm hoping this order funk stays with me long. it keeps my mind clutter-free, and gives me more focus.

==

i've read an interesing blog entry about the difference of men and women. i think its title is "if men have compartments, women have tote bags," and you can find it here. the author noted how we women manage to carry just everything in our totes.

i found myself laughing while reading that entry. she was so right! i really really really am a girl, i've realized.

here's what's in my bag--and take note that i bring all of these things with me everywhere:

a book (in case i end up bored and alone)
ipod
coin purse
wallet
keys
a small bottle of lotion
mint Chapstick (any other flavor won't do)
two combs
hair rubbers (during those emergency pa-cute moments)
mobile phone
lubricating eye drops (when my contacts rebel on me)
leave-on conditioner
my phony eyeglasses (they've got no grado, see)
my pink pencil pouch, which contains my entire pen collection
when space permits, my pink journal

and that's being tidy. on laxy days it can have receipts, post-its, tiny notepads, and spare change scattered inside!

oh, and note how i never mentioned the words "kikay kit" in the mix. the kikayest thing that i carry is the conditioner--everything else is necessity. it's already fussy enough as it is :P

thank God he made me a girl--a very geeky one at that :P

finally, i got to watch a movie again!

2007-03-07T20:26:00.000+08:00

i spent the afternoon with two old college friends, mark and saki. back then we were practically "neighbors"--mark condo-ed, i dormed, and saki lived nearby. we hung out a lot in the early part of last year, watching movies, eating everywhere, and watching more movies.

then saki had to go to china in may, and i moved to pasig a few days after he flew off.

saki flew back to manila in february and it was only today that our individual schedules had actually synchronized--physical proximity, work, and academics temporarily out of the way.

we spent the afternoon watching 300. what can i say: i really am a girl. i was squirming and whimpering at the visuals. oo na, maarte. hahaha! in the rare occasion that i did get to set my kaartehan aside, i'd have to say that the fight scenes were actually cool.

i also found the movie funny, for all the wrong reasons. there are parts in the movie that are so wala sa lugar, i couldn't help but guffaw. case in point: leonidas's wife stabs the politician for accusing her of adultery, and when he falls to the ground, coins bearing the sign of xerxes the tyrant fall to the ground. it was then discovered that mr. politician was a traitor. as mrs. leonidas turns to leave the councilors shout "traitor! traitor!" with fists in the air. labo! you have to see it to believe it.

i'm looking forward to the fantastic four sequel. silver surfer astiiiig! i wish i had a comic book collection as a child. then again, i don't think it's too late to start..

books! books! books!

2007-03-06T18:33:00.000+08:00

again i am reading multiple books at the same time. which is the funnest pursuit, it really is.

1. the zahir by paolo coelho. it's an okay read--not as inspiring as "the alchemist," or as thought-provoking (nuks) as "veronika decides to die." it changes mood very rapidly, and it's kinda difficult to keep up, but hey--i'm beginning to like it down the line.

2. pride and prejudice by jane austen. it's fun. it's a barrel of laughs! there's wit and sarcasm abound, and i really really like elizabeth bennet. i'd like to believe that she is so beautiful in real life. i haven't seen the movie and i plan to after i finish this, but already i believe that she's much prettier than keira knightley will ever be. haha

and so it is

2007-03-05T07:11:00.000+08:00

i went through a lot in the past week. "a lot" actually is an understatement. i need not go through empiricals.

i was given an offer to be a writer for a starting-up company. i'd have a day schedule on weekdays and be better compensated than my current job. the best part of it all was, i would WRITE. it was everything that i had prayed for and more. another great add-on was getting to work with my older sister, who would be working in a different department. currently she was pooling people for recruitment, and i was one of her referrals.

i was able to pass the exams and the interviews. according to the new employer, i was needed as soon as possible--the latest date that i could start was the 12th of this month.

naturally, i had to consult my immediate supervisor. he informed me that i needed to serve thirty days in my current post--which meant no march 12 start date for me. the initial reaction was dismay--how could i be able to start immediately, if i needed to stay for 30 more days? argh!

i informed my soon-to-be-boss about that fact. i was informed that that wasn't possible; the seat for the writer needed to be filled ASAP.

finally, just to get me into the company, someone suggested that i fake my resignation. the individual instructed me to submit an irrevocable resignation to my supervisor, attributing it to health reasons--given that i still had a sprain.

they were pushing, insisting, pressuring me to do just that. they had suggested that in the beginning, and i already found it iffy. panget. no good.

i felt that just wasn't the right thing to do.

there it was, my prize, my much-coveted writing stint. i knew i had a choice to make: go through the long process and lose it, or pass the short cut and grab it.

i even went so far as to retracting my application. i was panicking. i tried to keep still, i really did, but i was getting all antsy. even prayer didn't help--i was way too buzzed up to pray and concentrate. looking back, it would have been the easier thing to do.

i had to make that decision saturday. i consulted somebody else, someone i knew who had better sense, and it turned out that the same person wanted me to take the short cut as well.

by the late afternoon i was a royal mess. tired, frustrated, weak, but convicted (parang nakulong, but no that's not what i mean), i contacted my supposed employer, declining their offer.

==

i know i was wrong when i panicked and didn't immediately surrender the burden the first time around. i didn't want to trust Him on this then, and i ended up doing the impulsive thing.
yes, it hurt, initially. i had to let go of something much i coveted, i wanted, and i desired, because something else mattered more:

what He coveted, He wanted, and He desired.

==

up to now it's still hard to believe i was able to make that decision and to stand up for it. i was too afraid, weak, and powerless then--but now i can say that what i really needed was Him. He'd be enough for everything that i would ever need. i would have the courage and the strength to just...live. (another "naks!" moment!)

and Lord, i thank you.

versus

2007-02-27T17:38:00.000+08:00

i am beginning to realize how different reckless youth from responsible adulthood is.

the thought in question is: as much as you'd want to push for the thing that you want to have, you just can't. there are many factors to put into consideration.

external factors set rules for you to follow, to put into consideration. as a serial rule-breaker from a non-so-distant past, i've come to the conclusion that these rules are...imperative to one's daily life. it gives the individual certain grounding, or foundation, if you will, of their lives. it gives a sense of sanity. what to subscribe or not to subscribe to. a universal set of rules is ideal, but everyone is too different from the other. but that isn't exactly my point.

my point is this: you know you've actually "grown up" when you're suddenly thankful for the rules. on the one hand, they might bind you and prove to be suffocating, but on the other hand, they actually do you good.

in the end we all choose what to follow and what not to follow. we all set standards of our own. i think abstract concepts like "good," "evil," and "true" vary from one person to another. there is a universa; standard for these, yes, but these concepts are relative. there are no absolutes, because these abstractions all depend on what the person in question believes.

==

i acknowledge rules. i am emotional about them in the beginning, but gravity sinks in.

it is often difficult to resist rules. it just ends up getting you frustrated, cynical, and jaded. acceptance is the only plausible option.

then again, resistance to anything just proves to be detrimental. it creates unnecessary friction and damage. trying to push open an elevator door about to close bruises.

karess' list of destressors

2007-02-22T16:06:00.000+08:00

(written 13 february, posted today)

given that my work environment is quite out of the ordinary (shifting schedules, dealing with irate americans, working on sundays), i've been vulnerable to stress. i had a hard time adjusting to the changes at first, but lately i have realized that i actually could survive my workweek.

i claim not to be an expert on relaxation techniques and what-have-you, but here are some of the things that have worked for me, and managed to keep me sane all these months:

1. less coffee. now i naturally am a morning person, and the adjustment to the night shift proved to be taxing. to prevent my eyelids from drooping and myself from sleeping on my american friends, i took to ingesting coffee in inordinate amounts (read: three cups a day).

that proved to be soooo bad: i ended up having difficulty sleeping in the morning. i averaged at four hours a day, for three days. i also ended up an anemic, as coffee drains out your body's iron reserves. (side note: i found out about that while watching the mercury drug informercials at the medicine section)

less sleep also meant weakened immune system, and i did become a mercury drug regular, simply because i purchased various flu medicines. back then i was a smoker, too, so that made it all the more worse.

lately i have taken to drinking less coffee. since i didn't want to go cold turkey, i decided to deduct one cup less--and it's actually working. in the past few days i have averaged at around five to six hours, which is very good.

i can't say the same about my health, as of yet--i just recovered from the flu ha ha.

2. classical music. since i read the "classical music makes you smarter" article at the philippine daily inquirer web site, i've taken to listening classical music more often. to feed my geeky neurons i have taken to tuning in on to DZFE 98.7. and yes, it does make you sleepy--i have taken to listening to it while sleeping, not to mention drown out the noisy neighbors in the morning.

3. aromatherapy. i mentioned a few posts ago that i liked dove calming night shower gel. and yes, it really does live up to its name. the bottle blurb even says that its "unique formula and calming fragrance leave you feeling pampered, relaxed and ready for sleep." then again i use it before i go to work, so...yeah.

4. mint therapy. now i've always liked mint, whether it be candy, tea, lip balm, or in my past life, cigarette. whenever i feel bummed, i grab a venti tazo mint tea from starbucks (and i believe i should get a freebie for this plug) and inhale. it's pretty much the same thing as aromatherapy in that respect.

5. afternoons in bookstores. i work a mid-morning shift on tuesdays and wednesdays, and i usually disappear to national bookstore or powerbooks right after work. it's a habit i used to have when school proved to be too insane, and i realized how much i missed doing this when i started working.

...to be continued :)

hmmm

2007-02-17T07:20:00.000+08:00

I have not posted here for quite a while. It's the Multiply craze, I tell you!

My foot is getting much better. It does get painful when it's cold (which is most of the time), but other than that I can walk relatively normally. In fact I walked from Mega B to Robinson's last night-- talk about a major feat, but hey, I'm happy!

Other than that, I still am happy about many things. :)

http://thekaressness.multiply.com

tales of my busted ankle

2006-12-17T13:26:00.000+08:00

i sprained my left ankle two days ago. i was going down the steps of our third floor apartment and was almost out the gate, when whoosh! i suddenly flew. i have no recollection of my anti-gravity moment, but i do know that i landed.. badly.

quite immediately, my ankle became swollen and painful as heck. obviously, i ended up not going to work that night.

i slept off the worst part of the pain then. there were no tears for this crybaby, just grogginess and a lot of discomfort. that, and impatience: i wanted to know when i was gonna be better. i was declaring platitudes of "i'm gonna get better by tuesday, i swear it!"

the next day the swelling tamed down, and i realized how hard it was to be (temporarily) physically incapacitated. don't get me wrong, i already am, given my awful eyesight--but i manage to get by with what my HMO manual calls "corrective devices." this was different. walking around our apartment with one good foot and another one dragging behind was...odd. all right, annoying. in tagalog, hasel. given my legendary impatience, i even went so far as to hopping on my right leg--of course it became painful later, ha ha, serves me right.

strangely, my inner hypochondriac didn't jump to life, as it normally does in situations like these. see, i've never, ever been confined in a hospital. i always made sure that i'd be well enough not to be dressed in a hospital gown, injected with intravenous fluids, and fussed over by well-meaning relatives and friends. the thought alone scares me.

so i went to a nearby clinic a while ago and had my foot x-rayed as well. now i walk abnormally fast, given my impatient streak, but today i was limping steadily along. funnily enough, i was right--the doc advised me that i could go back to work tuesday.

i miss normal mobility, i'll have you know--then again, this may well be an unexpected break. in fact i spent the whole of last night importing cd's to the laptop and updating my ipod list.

and yes i know i should be more careful next time :P

office bloopers

2006-12-14T19:37:00.000+08:00

1. i was verifying someone's payment when i said...

thank you very much, sir! you have a hoppy holiday!

2. i was verifying someone's address and i said...

your address is (blah blah blah) redwoods, cuhlifornia?

surprise!

2006-12-14T18:58:00.000+08:00

suddenly, mom decided to surprise teena and i with a christmas gift.

yahoooooo!!!!

==

i am feeling better--and it's not because of the gift.

sometimes, it can get to you...

2006-12-13T18:04:00.000+08:00

on a slightly negative note, i'm pissed right now. i really am. it's a common fact that life will not exactly work the way you want it.

i am well aware that there are some things i cannot change. i just feel that entitled to more than what i am being given or what i see in front of me.

argh

my personal DNA

2006-12-12T17:56:00.001+08:00

Free-Wheeling Experiencer

You are an Experiencer

Your inquisitive nature, imagination, and hands-on practicality make you an EXPERIENCER.

Although you have an active imagination, you also concern yourself with the functional elements of things.

You are willing to experiment to find things that work the most efficiently.

Getting stuck in certain habits is boring to you—you'd rather find new experiences.

Accordingly, experiences are more important to you than objects—you'd rather spend your money and energy on events and adventures than on material things.

You like to contemplate a lot of options before making a decision, and you're willing and able to consider a lot of different angles to problems.

You're open to suggestions, and often rely on others to assess the merit of those suggestions.

You have an ability to see the big picture—not just how things are, but how they could be—in a variety of situations.

Your sense of adventure is supreme - you're up for anything, anytime. Making plans in advance isn't necessary for you: you'd rather figure things out on the go.

You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time.

You are Free-Wheeling

Your charismatic nature, liveliness, and independence make you FREE-WHEELING.

You don't mind being in the spotlight, preferring social gatherings to quiet nights at home.

You take a practical approach to people, not getting too involved in their feelings—or their business.

At the same time, your acceptance of others leads you to be understanding of their life circumstances, even if you don't quite understand their emotional reactions to some things.

Although you have a wide circle of friends, you're very discerning as to whom you can trust.
You're not rigid in your beliefs about the world, and you don't want to impose your perspective on others, but at the same time, you know that plenty of people don't always act responsibly.

Engaging with others is a large part of how you live in the world, and most importantly, it plays a role in how you see yourself—you tend to learn a lot about yourself in situations where you are with other people.

You have an understanding of the complexities of situations, and you don't judge others too hastily.

Your sense of adventure is supreme - you're up for anything, anytime. Making plans in advance isn't necessary for you: you'd rather figure things out on the go.

You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time.

sunday at work

2006-12-11T01:51:00.000+08:00

i went to work with busted shoes.

in fact, i went out of the house, attended service, even saw my crush, met up with a friend at starbucks, AND practically ran to the office with busted shoes.

i even had to buy mighty bond just to get them fine--and even glued them in front of an officemate.

gosh! nakakahiyang nakakatawa.

more on christmas

2006-12-07T21:18:00.000+08:00

today, being my day off, i decided to stay home and nurse my bad cold away. i haven't started smoking again, mind you, but i have not had a good night's (or day's) sleep lately. i suspect this weakened my immune system and, borrowing from my doctor, made me catch a bad bug. my doc also suggested that maybe it was also because of the crazy weather. i'm not complaining yet, but i will be once i miss a day of work.

anyway, before going to the doc i was fixing up some stuff around the house and listening to the radio. the station was playing this really nice version of "have yourself a merry little christmas." i actually cried when this part came along:

From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

i don't even know why i did. i just felt so thankful about so many things in my life, especially for this year. i guess the lyric encapsulated why i was happy about this season, which quite literally moved me to tears.

christmas is coming

2006-12-04T16:47:00.000+08:00

i'm very excited that christmas is coming.

hard to hear ("read") about that statement, i know, since i've always been known as a cynical bitch. oh, but really, i am excited.

in fact i'm not even asking for much on my christmas wish list. then again, i don't even have a real wish list. our office has one for the christmas kris kringle thingy, and i asked for post-its, or if my ninong-or-ninang can afford it, a pair of headphones just like what mark used to have.

i haven't been this excited about christmas in years. the last time i was all giddy about it was--oh my gosh--eleven years ago. i've even been listening to the launchcast holiday stations since late november.

it isn't even that much of a bummer for me to work on the 24th, but hey.

sigh. kilig!

a goodbye of sorts

2006-12-02T14:00:00.000+08:00

the news came when i was watching, yet again, the second season DVD of house md. chuckie, one of my dearest friends and my former editor at the lasallian, was trying to call me. when we did talk, he told me that chris, one of my former features section co-staffers, passed away last night due to a car accident.

the shock came, naturally. it's not every day that you hear about this kind of news. i haven't really heard from the guy in years.

chris became a newbie the year after i got in the paper. he was one of the newbies that i instantly connected with--not to mention, was good at what he did. the guy had smarts, sense, and ten million orgs under his belt.

we became partners for an article for the special issue, where we analyzed the whole process of making and breaking the sexy bomba star. chris was exuberant and all excited about the whole thing --and it wasn't about the topic, mind you. brainstorming sessions would last for hours, on the school library, on saturday morning, no less. chris was, very considerably, a colleague, in all aspects of the word.

chris lay low on TLS a year after, being a president for the school's marketing org. thus, i never really got to see much of him, and last i saw of him was on the "proudly lasallian" standees around school, for the marketing awards that he got.

see y'soon, chris.

cuteness

2006-11-30T13:11:00.000+08:00

http://www.cartoonlabs.com/comics/index.php?date=2006-11-28&show=sinfest

i know you think this is so not me, but...

2006-11-28T16:27:00.000+08:00

before i get to that--i'm decidedly happier. :) maybe it was my mentor's talk (and he's a walking quote machine, it's amusing), or the fact that i didn't really need to focus on the bad things all the time. i need to change that. seriously.

i will get to my point now.

==

i have a favorite bible verse: 2 corinthians 12. specifically, verse seven onwards.

for best results, get the NIV.

obviously, i'm not copying-and-pasting it, because i want you to get up and read.

2006-11-26T06:32:00.000+08:00

i've hardly written anything that conveys depression.

it's not that i am, per se, because depression is too strong a word. so i'll just scratch that--i'll just say that i'm sad, disappointed--and largely insecure.

hard to digest. i'm hugely in denial of it, see.

==

it's okay to make mistakes, but in my case it's not. i'm the biggest self-critic there is.

it's hard to get over it.

==

on a lighter note, and a positive notation on this account, the days are getting colder. december is creeping by.

it's "best friend" day

2006-11-24T00:01:00.000+08:00

bea and i were scheduled to meet up at greenbelt for dinner and happy feet. mark called me and we chatted up while i was walking to fish & co.

bei arrived. we ate, watched movie, and went our separate ways.

i go online when i get back. i text bei that i'm technically home. mark's online but he's busy, i don't bug him.

gp goes online a few minutes later, buzzes. we talk. i bug mark after a few.

these are people i haven't heard from for quite some time now--and i am very happy that i have. all in the same day, no less.

lots of news. good ones.

2006-11-18T08:30:00.000+08:00

1. i got promoted, sorta. :)

2. team a.k.i. team building was a blast. :) here's proof:

and, i finally got to say what i wanted to say for so long.

3. chuckie gave me good news tonight. thanks chuckie. you rock :)

will wonders ever ever cease. :)

my first real electronicated post

2006-11-08T20:19:00.000+08:00

i have a green notebook at home that used to be my written journal. i stopped writing in it when i moved to cainta from my dorm in taft avenue. the reason for that is, it holds a lot of awful (and embarrassing) memories--most of which i would rather forget, left rotting and accumulating dust on the farthest, darkest end of our apartment.

i exaggerate that way, but really--i find it a metaphoric version of denial.

a letter to God

2006-11-07T15:51:00.000+08:00

dear Lord,

everything's crazy right now, in a very good sense. there is no other word for me to describe my entire situation--or, to put it ever so succinctly, my LIFE.

i'm beginning to ask if i even DESERVE all of this, but i won't, because that would be unwise and demeaning to You. i'm just so THANKFUL right now, YOU have NO IDEA.

i can only say THANK YOU. THANK YOU. and THANK YOU.

and thank you even MORE.

spontaneous

2006-11-06T15:55:00.000+08:00

1. have not smoked for three weeks.
2. power-napping is the way to go.
3. haven't gone online in a while.
4. happy. happy. happy.

things are good

2006-11-02T11:15:00.000+08:00

and they really are. i'm learning a lot of things with the changes in my environment, work-wise. guess what: i'm actually motivated to move.

i guess it all boils down to positivity and faith.

==

what i need to work on now are my relationships with the people around me. considering that i work in a team set-up, i haven't quite gotten over my more-than-innate selfishness. it's always been about me--and i don't want that anymore.

i've gotten to reading john maxwell's the 17 essential qualities of a team player. i'm still at chapter one and already everything's like "woah pare kaboom!"

:)

courtesy of tickle.com

2006-11-02T10:58:00.000+08:00

Kookie, your subconscious mind is most preoccupied with issues around your friendships

On a conscious level, you might already be aware that something is troubling you, or eating up a lot of time when it comes to your friendships. But it's also possible that thoughts and feelings about your relationships have been preoccupying your subconscious mind — leaving you with nothing more than a general sense that things just don't feel 100% right in your life though you can't quite figure out why.

You may feel dissatisfied with your current circle of friends or conflicted about one of your closer friendships. Perhaps you long for more fulfilling connections, or wish that you found your friendships less draining, or more balanced. Or maybe you're so frustrated with your situation that you avoid the topic all together.

Whichever feelings hold true, your test results indicate that right now, your subconscious mind is working overtime to resolve the issues confronting you in this area of your life — even if you don't feel aware of it.

go gmail web clips!

2006-10-29T20:32:00.000+08:00

here's a reason why you should eat your gulay!

books! books! books!

2006-10-28T13:58:00.000+08:00

i'm reading three books all at the same time, which are:

1. out by natsuo kirino (not noriko, as i was originally telling my friends. my bad)
my best friend bea and i met up after a long time and this was her birthday gift for me. :) i must say--the japanese are excellent at creating mood, whether they be filmmakers, authors, musicians, or painters. it's a highly chilling murder novel--one part of what i've read so far made me weak. kirino is good at playing with her reader's imagination.

2. the curious incident of the dog at night-time by mark haddon
it tells the story of an autistic teenager named christopher who is obsessed with maths, hates the color yellow, and has memorized all the capitals of the world. it may be full of formulas (isn't formula a plural world already?) and complexities, but the story is very simply written.

3. i kissed dating goodbye by joshua harris
i'm saving the best for last in this list :P on our way to baguio kat actually chided me for reading this because i wasn't dating anyway. regardless of that fact, this book helps out a lot. it's very refreshing and enlightening.

go get copies of these. i wonder which one i shall finish first.

==

we're changing sched again, but not as radically as before. we're adjusting our time to an hour later because of DST--the concept of which i don't quite get yet, but i will.

ate karess

2006-10-24T17:16:00.000+08:00

i have two younger siblings from my father. their names and ages are abigail, eight years old, and jose maria the fourth, four years old. i first met them when i first went to baguio july of last year. i initially found them to be the pesky, annoying, KSP-type--then again you know how these things typically are.

admittedly i am the typical bunso, and you know how bunsos operate. they're spoiled, used to getting their way, and used to getting all the attention, aside from being affectionate and happy-go-lucky. so being ever-so-typically bunso (not to mention immature), i resented a lot of things. sure, the kids are faultless, but i hated them for no clear reason.

i rememberan incident on how my insecurity was manifested. the first one was the first time abby and i met each other. it was the morning after i arrived from manila, and abby and i were downstairs having breakfast. my older sisters and i call our pop "daddy," but abby and max address him as "papa." so abbey was clearly perplexed (and i think at that point still unaware of our existence) for the name i called our father.

"bakit daddy yung tawag mo sa kanya?" abby asked, with all the innocence of seven-year-olds.

"eh daddy ko siya eh," was my snide, sarcasm-infused reply. it was short of saying that "hey, little girl, he is MY daddy, no matter what."

i have been to baguio from last weekend and somehow had a POV shift. of course the ilang was ever-present, but kids are evidently unaware of complications like these. abby and max flocked to kat and i, their older sisters. the last time i went to baguio was christmastime, and in spite of all my wicked stepsister shenanigans, the kids were still...nice. abby was still as sweet and affectionate (and LOUD) as ever. max, who had started school this year, had developed the habit of speaking english, which was funny and endearing.

i don't know what brought on this change, but i feel so much better about them now. i was with them for three days. i realized that i had ate potential, and that you could occasionally use sarcasm to scold your younger kin, just like what teena does. i even prepared max's bedtime milk. woah.

so there. being an older sister isn't all that it's cracked up to be. i just need more lessons in that department, though.

==

oh and you wanna know something cool? i'm the middlest-middle kid now.

2006-10-24T15:37:00.000+08:00

i'm sitting in front of yet another rented computer because i wanted to write about something. i've been staring at the blank blogspot template for twenty minutes but nothing's coming out.

it's annoying when that happens, when the brain and the fingers have a discrepancy going on. it's like you're getting dressed for work, and you realize that you needed hand lotion and you spot the bottle in the bathroom. so you put shoes on and everything and are about to go, and you remember that you needed to do something in the bathroom, and when you get there you forget just what the heck are you doing there. that happens to me all the time.

today is silent off day. i get on board tomorrow at four am. i'm actually in the mood for some coffee and good conversation right now, but nobody i'm messaging is available. not that i'm complaining, although i'd really prefer to have some company right now--maybe this is good contemplation time for me.

i didn't "get lost" in baguio, but i'm not complaining--i practically spent every waking moment with my eldest sister kat whom i haven't seen in a long time. she and her partner nimrod brought along their bounching four-month-old zoom, one of the cutest babies i have ever seen in my lifetime.

oh and i've officially been off cigarettes for a week. :) i breathe much better now, but i feel the withdrawal symptoms kicking in. i have this urge to consume chips and popcorn and anything salty--i want something in my mouth, period. or maybe my period's going to be rolling around. whatever.

2006-10-20T06:08:00.000+08:00

it pays the bills, but doesn't make me happy.

2006-10-19T15:18:00.000+08:00

i feel like writing now, more than ever. i don't know why i have this utterly strange urge to do so. the thing is, i have so many things i want to write about but i don't know where to start.

1. i'm feeling very much better compared to the past few days. i attribute it to a good combination of rest, newly downloaded old songs, virgin coconut oil (yes, it works!), the sopas in the carinderia near our apartment, and ambroxol mucosolvan. i also believe that someone's been praying for me, so thank you, i really appreciate it. :)

2. i missed doing a lot of things when i was sick--laughing out loud being first on the list. when i'm not working, i'm stuck alone at home in the daytime, and naturally, there isn't anybody to talk to. so when i got back to work wednesday morning and while conversing with the nicest, sweetest supervisor in my company (and believe me, she really is), i was laughing so belly-achingly hard.

second would probably be--guess what--dialing. i missed work. i'm not kidding, but i sound like i am. seriously, though, i'd rather be productive at something than be stuck doing nothing at home.

i'm proud of one thing, even: i don't miss smoking. by being a quitter, i am a winner. *bow*

3. i can't believe i'm going to baguio over the weekend. it's scary and weird and oddly exciting. don't ask me to explain how and why, i always have this odd inexplicable feeling whenever i go to baguio.

a few months ago dad always made me visit, especially during term breaks, and whenever i did i'd get out of the house, trek alone, and get lost. it's one of my favorite things to do, getting lost in unfamiliar places. anyway, on one such trip i ended up walking the whole length of session road, and it was such a wonderful feeling. i guess i'm looking forward to that again? i dunno. i mean, it's been a while since i last got lost.

4. i want to watch the departed! mark and i were supposed to yesterday but unforeseen circumstances, uh, circumstanded. then i re-planned to watch it this afternoon after work, but found out that the 3:40 showing would end at around 7:20, thus making bangga with a few meetings i would have in the evening. i guess i'm not meant to see it yet--with all the threats of terrorism in metro manila malls, maybe it pays to be careful.

more music

2006-10-17T13:45:00.000+08:00

i updated my music player after the longest time. intending to add just a few more songs to my collection, i had accidentally erased some of the songs that i liked. *eep* so i had to re-download some of them again.

this time around the theme is jazz. the old theme was happy-happy eighties songs, and i still have a huge chunk of them in the playlist. today i've downloaded costello, bacharach, sinatra, gaye, sitti navarro, one sade song, and--get this--the platters. i guess i need to steadyize? steadify? steadyate? myself more these days.

so far, thus far

2006-10-16T11:16:00.000+08:00

i'm down with the flu. it started out thursday afternoon because of a non-mentol marlboro light which irritated my throat. now it has developed into phlegmatic lungs (ew), a semi-clogged nose, and hurting nose skin.

no smoking, ever again.

==

i have a new multiply site. go go!

http://thekaressness.multiply.com

hmmmm.

2006-10-14T02:48:00.000+08:00

now, i know.

music, mah-jongg, and madness

2006-10-10T08:51:00.000+08:00

1. listen to ima robot's creeps me out--it's a cool cool cool song.
2. incubus has a new song called anomaly. it's pretty nice, too.
3. wave 89.1 and launchcast are giving me new music to enjoy. i should get paid for this.

==

to make up for utter boredom i'm playing space mahjongg on my phone. i'm getting better at it, hahahaha! i wouldn't know if i'd fare pretty well in real life mahjongg, though.

==

this is the shizz! hahahahahaha

when there's a will, let's say hurray

2006-10-09T12:09:00.000+08:00

1. it's not quite official yet, but my sister and i will be apartment-hopping in the next few days. we're eyeing for a place in kapitolyo, because it's nearer to ortigas, where we both work. aside from that, we won't stress over killer traffic, killer taxi fares, unexpected floods at our third-floor apartment (a result of milenyo, something i wanted to write about but never did), and lack of safety anymore.

2. my new schedule officially starts this week. since sundays and mondays are my days-off from my old team and wednesdays and thursdays on the new one, i'll be working for a grand total of only three days. quite goshful. then again the new team lead reminded me to catch up with work. of course i said yes i would.

3. we're taking a vacation on the third week of october to visit dad in baguio. baguio! i want a camera.

4. i got to talk to mom after a long time. i was excited as heck.

5. my brain got renourished when i read the alchemist a few days ago. it was so wonderful, i cried thrice--i kid you not. i'm getting myself a copy when i have the money.

trying to get there

2006-10-08T16:06:00.000+08:00

apparently my compulsion to worry incessantly about things has not quite wavered.

i'm the benchmark for worry, ladies and gentlemen. i'm even worrying about worrying. see, i've used the same word four times in the same entry already. it's obviously clouding my senses, not to mention limiting my vocabulary. emotion really does that to you, doesn't it.

it's difficult to get over it.

last week at service the speaker said that doubt, worry, and anxiety are but negative manifestations of faith. he also noted that it was much easier for people to feel and experience the three than the latter.

i can attest to that. faith is defined as believing even when you don't see it yet. pretty easy in theory, hard to grasp in practice. how can you stay believing when there's no empirical proof, you ask. show me whatcha got, that's what we always say. how can you dream and believe when you're not even sure you can survive?

reminds me of that counting crows song.

believe in me
help me believe in anything
'cause i wanna be someone who believes

'cause i really do.

==

as of this writing des'ree is telling me that i gotta be bad, bold, wiser, hard, tough, stronger, cool, calm, and i have to stick together.

love will save the day.

2006-10-06T11:18:00.001+08:00

sigh.

i'm trying, i'm really trying.

2006-10-02T11:21:00.000+08:00

turns out i'm switching skeds next week, instead of this. hmmm.

==

i got me a phone, phinally. it's black, and sleek, and camera-ed, and pretty cheap too! i'm really happy with it. funny thing, though: i'm not as camwhore-y as i used to be, on other people's phones. i'm saving its memory on "special" moments. yahoo.

==

things are falling into place in my life right now, and what can i say. thank you God.

nice things, really

2006-09-29T14:38:00.000+08:00

1. i was offering this guy our office's six-month payment arrangement. i go:

sir, we have a six-month payment plun... *pause* i'm sorry, plun.

2. saying this guy's name, i went:

...ree-churd?

==

work was good today. in fact, work was actually good this week.

it's actually my last week with my current team lead. our entire department is going to be reshuffled next week because they added two new team leaders. i'm in one of the new ones, and my new sked has wednesdays and thursdays off. which means i have work on sundays. i'm not complaining. i actually like the new sked because i'll be working nights now, as opposed to my current sked. AND i don't have the two-shift day anymore, so yay.

an apple a day

2006-09-27T11:21:00.000+08:00

me: see you around sweetness
best friend: yes sugarcane

keeps the tubo away.

i miss the sense, and the utter lack of it.

2006-09-26T10:23:00.000+08:00

still goolging nepal. i really can't get over it. i'm looking at photos of it on the web and i'm... mystified, transfixed, amazed, gogetyourthesaurusformore.

from the lonely planet destination guide:

Public buses are the main form of ground transportation and are incredibly cheap, incredibly uncomfortable and tediously slow.

hah. try telling that to a filipino!

Walking is still the most important and most reliable method of getting from A to B and for moving cargo. In most of Nepal walking is the only option.

yay!

let's make this official

2006-09-25T10:43:00.000+08:00

i'm going to nepal in 2010.

who's with me?

2006-09-25T09:40:00.000+08:00

cleaning toilets. it's one of my favorite things to do.

seriously. i know i'm the world's OC-est slob (i can alphabetize my CD collection and manage to make my workstation resemble a papermill wastage factory), but give me some soap, a sponge (or a handheld brush) and a toilet, and i'm done for.

you're probably wondering where gloves are in the equation. well, i clean sans gloves. it's just said sponge or brush between me and the toilet. i've never used gloves, but i'm not too bent on the idea of trying them, either. gloves are messy, heavy, annoyingly rubbery, and...they harbor germs. well, my hands get germy too, but at least they won't get moldy and smelly after i wash them ten million times.

it's a ritualistic thing more than anything else. and, at the end of the ritual, i see a sparkly, pearly-white toilet in front of me. and i smile.

whee.

==

listen to this song:

fidelity

and love it.

Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall

aaarrggggghhhhh

2006-09-23T10:49:00.000+08:00

backgrounder: i work for a collections agency that, well, collects american's debts. we have around ten million rules to follow, and one of these is non-disclosure of information to third parties.

so i made a call to one such debtor.

me: hi, i'm looking for (debtor's name).
db (debtor): yeah, this is him.
me: hi sir, my name is karess, and i'm calling from (company name), and this is with regard to your ______ account. (standard thing to say before discussing account information).

i made the usual spiel thing where you inform the debtor about the account information and with which store he made the purchase at, that sort of thing. then he says...

db: oh, i'm not him.
me (surprised): you told me that you were (name of debtor) !
db: well, i told you i was him because you had a beautiful voice...

now, because of my beautiful voice, my ass is now on the line!

hahahahahahaha

idle time at the office

2006-09-22T10:57:00.000+08:00

no new dials right now.

yesterday, still couldn't sleep after attempts at making myself drowsy. realized how much i loved mint--i smoke menthols, mint chapstick is a staple in my bag, and brushing my teeth is one of my favorite things to do. haha.

also realized how much i missed my books. they're all stashed away at my cousin's house in antipolo, and while we live in the same, uh, province, she's still too far off from us. besides, i don't possibly know how i can bring back a balikbayan box-full of books to cainta.

third realization: i haven't seen a movie in a movie theater in months. the last one i saw was...karagoom! the lake house. wow. i've missed a lot of films, and i really wouldn't know if those that have been out are good or not. i'm too busy to read reviews, besides. haha

sigh. i miss my old life, but i don't.

three posts in a day = new blog overexcitement

2006-09-21T17:48:00.000+08:00

the internet is a strange plaything. i stumbled upon somebody's blog--i never really thought they were the blog type, and well, the lack of activity in it can attest to that. did some stalking for a bit and discovered some things, too.

oh, and my old college professor-slash-former thesis mentor actually has a (very nicely-laid out) multiply page.

waaah!

2006-09-21T17:19:00.000+08:00

i'm a big fan of eighties songs. in fact while waiting for sleep to come i was playing teena's chorus girl 2 disc, and while i was busy daydreaming about my crush (which, i realized, inhibits sleep), i came upon this song:

I need love, love, love, ooh to easy my mind
And I need to find, find someone to call mine
My mama said

You can't hurry love, oh you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take
You can't hurry love, oh you'll just have to wait
Just trust in the good times, no matter how long it takes

But how many heartaches must I stand
Before I find a love to let me live again
'Cos right now the only thing that keeps me hangin' on
Is when I feel my strength, you know it's almost gone
I remember mama said

You can't hurry love, oh you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take
How long must I wait, how much more must I take
Before loneliness will cause my heart to break

Now I can't bear to live my life alone
I've grown impatient for a lover to call my own
And when I feel that I, I can't go on
You know I feel my strength, you know it's almost gone
I remember mama said

You can't hurry love, oh you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take
You can't hurry love, oh you'll just have to wait
Just trust in the good times, no matter how long it takes

Then I'm free

Well now love, love, love don't come easy
I know I'll keep on waiting, anticipating
For that soft voice to talk to me at night
For some tender arms to hold me tight
I keep waiting, ooh, till that day
But it ain't easy, you know it ain't easy
And my mama said

You can't hurry love, oh you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take
You can't hurry love, oh you'll just have to wait
Just trust in the good times, no matter how long it takes

haha.

now i know what God is telling me.

not quite tagged

2006-09-19T14:04:00.000+08:00

since i'm starting over, i think this is one good way to get to know me.

Seven things that scare you:
1. bad things happening to family and friends
2. natural disasters
3. cockroaches, the flying sort especially
4. dogs
5. road rage
6. growing old alone
7. being poked (haha don't ask)

Seven things you like the most:
1. a good night's (or day's) sleep
2. laughter
3. a good book
4. a good movie
5. playing a good video game after work
6. classical music (i don't look it, but i do)
7. a good conversation over coffee

Seven important things in your bedroom:
1. the bed
2. my sister teena's cd player
3. cd's, dvd's, and games
4. the boys's playstation
5. books
6. my pencils
7. my notebooks

Seven random facts about you:
1. i bit my nails for ten years.
2. i used to be allergic to chicken, tuna, sandwich spread, seafood, and soya. now i can eat all of these save for soya--i can't stand it anymore (then again, i love tokwa. hmmm..)
3. i've only begun playing video games--RPG's i don't really enjoy much.
4. i'm the youngest of three girls. both of my sisters are 10+ years older than me.
5. i've been a catholic schoolgirl all my life.
6. ...and i miss going to school. :)
7. i can listen to britney spears, pachelbel, 311, nirvana, avril lavigne, savage garden, 80's madonna, the beatles, the clash, and johann sebastian bach--not all at the same time, of course.

Seven things you plan to do before you die:
1. go to nepal
2. go on a date in luneta, eating fishballs and watching the stars
3. learn how to ride a bike
4. jump off a cliff
5. publish my own book
6. work for an events production company
7. visit my mother in the US

Seven things you can do:
1. pick things up with my toes
2. listen to people
3. talk and talk and talk
4. write
5. get bored easily
6. give people advice
7. remember previous topics of conversation after a number of segues

Seven things you can't do:
1. ride a bike
2. be patient :(
3. have self-control
4. leave things be and simply understand
5. say R properly, especially when i'm speaking in tagalog
6. be calm when being rushed
7. stay still

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:
1. smarts
2. sense of humor
3. principles / conviction
4. gentlemanly-ness... good manners!
5. spontanaiety
6. looks (don't we all?)
7. respecting my space

Seven things you are most known for saying:
1. i know, right?
2. weird!
3. hel-lo?
4. galeeeeeeng!
5. ...alam mo yun?
6. hoy!
7. cusswords, which i am trying to change

Seven celeb crushes (whether local or foreign):
1. daniel jones
2. jude law
3. michael vartan
4. ewan mcgregor
5. ryan reynolds
6. channing tatum
7. catherine zeta-jones--she is just so pretty, wow.

Seven people you want to torture see take this quiz :
1. you
2. the rest of the world
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

2006-09-19T12:13:00.000+08:00

i'll bless this new blog with a bunch of my favorite song lines yet:

Oh but I
Need some time off from that emotion
Time to pick my heart up off the floor
[...]

'Cause I gotta have faith

...in myself, in other people, with God. wait, i got the order all wrong, it's supposed to be: with God, in myself, and in others.

i want to start anew. thus, i'm figuring out what to change, where to apply these changes (which is pretty much in every aspect of my life, durr), and how to do so. the why and how have been answered, and i want to put theory into practice.

electronicated

i haven't been posting here for a long time

when doors close, windows open

maybe, maybe it's just me, but

testing

busy and fun couple days

from pencil to keyboard, paper to monitor

finally, i got to watch a movie again!

books! books! books!

and so it is

versus

karess' list of destressors

hmmm

tales of my busted ankle

office bloopers

surprise!

sometimes, it can get to you...

my personal DNA

sunday at work

more on christmas

From now on,our troubles will be miles away.

christmas is coming

a goodbye of sorts

cuteness

i know you think this is so not me, but...

it's "best friend" day

lots of news. good ones.

my first real electronicated post

a letter to God

spontaneous

things are good

courtesy of tickle.com

go gmail web clips!

books! books! books!

ate karess

more music

so far, thus far

hmmmm.

music, mah-jongg, and madness

when there's a will, let's say hurray

trying to get there

nice things, really

an apple a day

let's make this official

aaarrggggghhhhh

idle time at the office

three posts in a day = new blog overexcitement

not quite tagged

From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.